PARENTS
How to Support a Friend Who Just Had a Baby
Here is how to give some much-needed support to the new parent in your life.
Written by
Happiest Baby Staff
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PARENT PICKS
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PARENTS
Written by
Happiest Baby Staff
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Bestsellers
During pregnancy, there is so much attention directed at the parent-to-be. Everyone is asking How are you feeling? There are baby showers. You are offered a seat (and sometimes an extra biscuit) wherever you go. Once the baby is born, there is a flood of congratulatory texts and phone calls. Friends and family clamor to visit, to drop off a stew, and to give the new bundle a snuggle. Then, like a cruel magic trick—poof!—so much of that support disappears…just when you need it the most. If you are a parent, you likely experienced this phenomenon. And if you have a friend who is a new parent, they are likely experiencing it, too.
Research shows that up to 42% of pregnant and new parents feel lonely. What’s more, studies suggest that feeling lonely and isolated as a new parent is associated with postnatal depression. With 1 in 5 birthing parents struggling with perinatal mental health conditions—and many more simply struggling to adjust to this new life—it is important to remember that all new parents need support.
But for even those of us with the best intentions, it is not always easy to find the right words for someone who is struggling. That is why we put together some ideas for what to say—and when to speak up—if you suspect your friend is having a tough time.
There are several ways you can help make a friend who is struggling with new parenthood feel seen, heard, and loved. Some messages you can send regularly:
Everyone changes after becoming a parent. It is impossible not to. But sometimes those changes are actually signs that your friend is struggling with postnatal depression, anxiety, or another mental health issue. Here are some signs that your friend might be having a hard time as a new parent:
It can be scary to start a conversation with a friend about their mental health. But it is even scarier to stay silent. One key: When asking questions, trade the vague “How is it going?” types of small talk and texts for something that offers your friend a better opportunity to share. Try:
Caring for a baby is hard. It can also be isolating, boring, and exhausting…even if you are not dealing with postnatal depression! So, continue to check in—and offer your support—even after the early days.
But, please, press pause on the “If you need anything at all, I am here” comments, and take action instead. Offer an ear, a shoulder, and a helping hand. Change a nappy. Tidy the kitchen. Bring a tea. Do not try to solve problems and do not dismiss feelings with chipper platitudes. And remember, if your pal does not text you back immediately, or they cancel plans, or otherwise seem to disappear—it is not you! These can be signs that they need your support more than ever. Keep trying.
Disclaimer: The information on our site is NOT medical advice for any specific person or condition. It is only meant as general information. If you have any medical questions and concerns about your child or yourself, please contact your health provider. Breastmilk is the best source of nutrition for babies. It is important that, in preparation for and during breastfeeding, mothers eat a healthy, balanced diet. Combined breast- and bottle-feeding in the first weeks of life may reduce the supply of a mother's breastmilk and reversing the decision not to breastfeed is difficult. If you do decide to use infant formula, you should follow instructions carefully.
